“Grandma, can I have a drink of milk?” I asked, looking over at her sitting amidst the piles of cardboard boxes. She sat in the only space left on the small couch, in fact in the only sitting space in the entire living room other than the chair I found myself in.
“Of course Dear,” she glanced up from her knitting, smiled, then turned her attention back to the long clicking needles. This was my first day alone at my grandparents house and being only eight I was a little nervous, not knowing quite what to do or say. I had been here many times with my parents but this was different, it was just me, I was alone.
I waited for what seemed like an hour. I tried to keep my mind busy guessing at the contents of all the boxes stacked up around me, but since I did not have x-ray vision and was too shy to ask, my patience quickly wore thin. My grandmother mumbled and then laughed.
“What’s so funny?” I asked.
“Oh, nothing Dear.” She replied quickly, and still no drink.
“Grandma?”
“Yes?”
“A drink?”
She mumbled to herself and giggled. Was knitting that funny or was it my question? I couldn't help but wrinkle my nose a little. The living room smelled old, not like basement-damp-and-musty old, just old, like old things. Does dust have a smell? Maybe that was it. Man I’m thirsty.
Finally reaching the end of a short-lived struggle to keep myself in check I took matters into my own hands, “Grandma, where’s the cups?”
“Oh, sorry Dear.” She set her knitting down on top of the nearest box and headed for the kitchen. I smiled to myself thinking finally I had accomplished something. A few minutes later she brought me back a nice tall glass of .....Tang. Oh well, at least it was a drink.
Looking out the window set in front of my fraying arm chair that I didn’t dare move out of, I saw my Grandfather pull up in his truck. Grandpa was always fun, finally something to do! “Grandpa’s home,” I squealed, jumping out of my seat and heading for the door. I opened it wide and ran out to hug him as he got out of his truck. He laughed and hugged me back.
“How’s my Sweety-Pie?” he asked, even though I knew he didn’t really expect an answer. It was the term of endearment that mattered most to us both.
“What’s that on your dashboard Roscoe?” I looked up to find my grandmother standing in the doorway staring intently at the windshield of the truck.
Grandpa set me down and for a moment just stood there staring at her. He looked over at the dashboard and simply said “It’s a comb.”
“Well where’d it come from?”
I didn’t need to be older than eight to know a storm was rolling in, and not in the literal sense. I pretended not to notice, walked around the truck to stand next to the big maple tree and tried desperately to blend in with the bark.
“I don’t know Mildred. I bought it at the store?”
“Which store?” Her question was tainted with disbelief, although I couldn’t figure out why, there were plenty of stores with combs weren’t there?
My grandfather decided at that very moment to blow his top. “Jeeesuus Chriiist Mildred, it’s just a god damn comb!” Was that really my grandfather? Did he just say what I think he said? Am I dreaming? I rubbed my eyes just to be sure.
He stormed in through the door, staying as far away from her as the little doorway would allow. Her tone became innocent but no less unbelieving, “Well, I was just asking.” I did not hear what else she said as the door slowly closed behind her. They had forgotten about me but it was just as well. No way in heck was I going back in there now! I decided this was a good time to go look for frogs in the stream out back.
“Geez, I hope Mom gets here soon” I whispered to myself. Although I’m not sure why I whispered, there was no one around to hear me but the frogs.
You have me right to the end. Then it stops being Mildred's story and starts being yours, but, no, that isn't the way the piece has trended.
ReplyDeleteMildred is the sweet, not-so-sweet, hoarding crazy lady we want more of! Little girls? Dime a dozen. So, that focus shift leaves me hanging, eager but unsatisfied.
I think you're letting your literal memories stand in the way of the real story or the ending of the story at least.
I just wrote a different close working off the last graf and I'd have given it to you but it did the sort of things I like and I don't really have any idea at this point in the semester what your tastes run to, so just as well to scrap it rather than impose on you. I wish I had a suggestion, but I guess I don't.
I'm certainly not asking for a rewrite because you do very fine work with scene and dialogue and create a wonderful portrait of Mildred and a lightning-flash portrait of Roscoe and of the hidden junk behind the scenes of a marriage--sort of like the not-so-hidden junk Mildred also could not let go of.
I can see your point but to be honest, I'm not sure how I would have ended it with more of a focus on my grandmother. This was one of my few memories I have left from when I was really young (not a wonder why it stood out) and the ending was exactly what happened and exactly what I was thinking. To me the story was more about how scary an innocent trip to 'grandma's house' could be to a little girl who knew nothing about relationships and the bigger world of love. I could have gone on with the piece because there is a lot more to tell. My grandmother had a hysterectomy at a very young age. After that she just kind of went crazy. She was sweet and ever so patient, but she also heard voices, thought little blue men were in her room at the hospital so she never went back to a doctor again for years, would call me up at 3 in the morning to ask me if I remembered what happened to the plastic bunny piggy bank I had when I was a four, called my mother and when I answered the phone then handed the phone to my mom she asked who I was and why my mother hadn't told her she'd had a daughter even though we lived with them for 6 months, etc.. She also locked my grandfather out of the house on numerous occassions, constantly picked fights with him,and I'm sure life was not easy for either of them, but still they stayed together. And you know what else? When she passed away my grandfather didn't stop crying for a long time. The day of her funeral he put his wedding ring back on, something I hadn't notice until then that he had gone without, and he wore it until he passed away. I think he figured some day she'd get better and they could have the life again that they once had - when they were very much in love, and when she died he realized that that time had run out.
ReplyDelete"the ending was exactly what happened and exactly what I was thinking. To me the story was more about how scary an innocent trip to 'grandma's house' could be to a little girl"
ReplyDeleteThe ending is how you remember it happening, but the way you write it is how something that is happening today and can is not in debt to history.
You could have written this, for example, without much injury to the truth and it would have a different effect:
“I wasn't sure any more what Grandma could and couldn't hear so I whispered, 'I hope mom gets here soon.' A frog looked at me and slowly blinked as if he understood, and maybe he did. We watched each other for a long time until finally I heard my mother's car and ran off."
Or, since I know you have a taste for magic: "Only the frogs could hear me but I whispered anyway. 'I hope mom comes soon.' A big green one on a lily pad opened his mouth. 'She'll be here.' I wanted to ask him what else he knew, but just then I heard my grandma shouting my name and had no more time to waste."
Or any one of millions of possibilities, each with its own tone. But never ever think there is one true ending--it's all a matter of perspective.
As for what you think the story is about--well, this is the flip side of the writer not always being the best judge of that. Sometimes the writer does more than she knows--you've done that several times already. Sometimes she does different than she knows. Trust me, I'll say it again: innocent little girls are all the same--innocent. But crazy grandmas each have their own crazy story, and that's the real focus here, for this reader at least.
"but the way you write it is how something that is happening today and can is not in debt to history."
ReplyDeleteSorry--that got a little garbled: the way you write it today is something that is happening now, not then, and is in no way in debt to history. There are facts which don't change and ideas about them which do.
I think I understand what you're saying - although it was told through the eyes of an eight year old girl, the spotlight of this story was really on my Grandmother. But in the end it's like I pulled the spotlight back onto the little girl simply because she was left alone outside. I think I pulled too far - I could have stated that I was alone without pulling the entire focus back onto that 'me' part of the event and saying just a bit more about my grandmother at the end would have anchored 'her' part of the story.
ReplyDeleteRight?
Right, or at least I think so--we're maneuvering this discussion into a pretty tight area now.
ReplyDelete